Today is Monday, February 5,
2002 and Obama is President of the United States.
This is what my husband of 55+ years is convinced of—today anyway.
This is what my husband of 55+ years is convinced of—today anyway.
He is in great physical shape
for a man of eighty years and is convinced there is no issue with his memory.
His denial is a trigger for episodes of his deep seated anger issues.
After long and hard
contemplation, I opted to go ahead and share this because it is my world, my
challenges and how I handle them. Perhaps it will encourage another who is in the same or a similar situation.
Every day, he asks countless times, “What did
we get in the mail today?” Our poor little dog gets put out constantly as I hear him telling her
she has “to go” because she hasn’t been out all day, even after giving her a
treat for doing her business. Frequently requests come for “something to eat
because I haven’t eaten all day” after two meals and a snack. The list is
endless. The nightmare of dementia is real.
Oh, how I miss my best
friend, lover, companion and soul mate. Some days my patience wears thin and I
reprimand myself though most of the time I calmly reply to his requests as if
it was the first time I heard them. You see, I need a caregiver myself, but
alas, it is impossible.
There is joy and humor in
this journey and I recall them as often as I can because some days I need a
smile that I can hide my true concerns. One such incident is when I had an
appointment with my cardiologist. He was typically still in bed at noon. This
is the note I wrote out for him.
He was bewildered. I asked,
“Do you understand the message?”
He replied, “No! Who the heck
is the Love Doctor?”
I laughed. He scowled. I
calmly explained my abbreviation as I made a mental note to write everything
out fully. I still smile every time it comes to mind. I believe the Son smiles
through the clouds, even of dementia, too.
2 comments:
Dementia/Alzheimer’s is terrible! My Dad passed away April 9, 2015 in his yard while getting his bag of oranges out that he remembered was left in the trunk from a recent trip a few days prior and was found lying next to the back of his car with the bag of oranges next to him and his dog Blackie was laying at his side guarding him. That morning after he had his breakfast is when he remembered that he had oranges? Anyway after the cold days prior and this day was warmer and flowers were poking through flower beds off his porch on the way too his car you could see where he had brushed away the leaves off the flowers before going to his car? Anyway the dreary days affected him more and the sunny days ahead of course made him a little brighter it seemed. More light because at this point he was also getting days and nights mixed up so with the brightness of the Sun making it so much lighter for him. My Oldest Daughter was his and the only one that could handle him without him becoming aggressive and agitated and I become the Bossy one and he did not like me at all at this point because he knew and believed I was there too snoop around and was going too take his freedom from him and take his Car from him at this point Because he was becoming worse. I was praying so hard over this all and broken hearted because he had thought of me that way too where I had too just be in the shadows and my Daughter becoming his main one. She was so beautiful and great with him from her experience of working with patients as him and she would make sure nothing was moved or changed and had post notes all over the Kitchen on the Fridge even inside the fridge and all over the house too remind him of things and the times of everything and not too let him think he was not able anymore but that he still could, and he worked so hard on that and held on with everything he had within himself too stay but was slipping quickly. On the day he passed she had written notes too him with smiley faces and just a I Love You and You are doing real good at getting everything done! And he wrote back his own note too her and this was his last one: he told her that the Sun was shining and he was going outside because he saw the flowers poking there head up! He said Debbie Ann the flowers are up and I believe spring has sprung. He drew her a Flower. She cherishes that note because she believed he was for a moment himself and that God knew exactly what was going too be needed after this. The Doctor said he had died before hitting the ground and there was no suffering.
That's so beautiful. Thank you for sharing. Yes, we all need the Sun, The Light of Christ. At least that is what I equate the sun to. Light repels the darkness whatever the source of either.
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