Let's Just Cancel Today . . .

     Have you ever awoken and the only thing you wanted to do was nothing? Without even opening my eyes, I roll over, pull the covers a bit snugger, and embrace the comfort of my memory foam mattress amid the silence of the early morning.

     As a young couple, Bob and I used to snuggle up or spoon when the alarm went off and ask one another that question. Oh how tempting it was to give a resolute yes and cancel the day but alas, we were barely scraping by and needing his daily wage to make ends meet . . . or at least wave at each other. Our young children would soon be up and energized.

     With nearly inaudible groans and huge sighs we hugged once more, shared a morning breath kiss and reluctantly slid out from under the covers. Our chance to cancel the day was gone like the spores on a mature dandelion in the wind.

     During those early years while he performed back breaking labors away from home, I did the same at home. Perhaps we’ve always had survivalist and homesteading natures because our gardens, home improvements, landscaping projects and so much more steadily increased with each passing year.

     We taught our children to work. They worked in the garden and the harvest. They were primarily responsible for planting a big patch of early corn that they harvested and we sold to purchase their school clothes each summer. Our home was heated with wood so there were always chores to be done. We raised chickens, ducks, geese, a pet goat and dog.

     With zero hesitation I can honestly say those were the best years of our lives. Our children learned about work, responsibility, accountability and teamwork. They learned about nature and nurture. We all enjoyed the fruits of our labors.

     Once they flew the coop and we had an empty nest, we still frequently greeted the new day with, “Let’s just cancel today.” We continued to agree and it was so very tempting but we pressed on. In retrospect it is with regret that we didn’t allow an occasional ‘cancellation’ to happen. Life is short—too short.

     Now in the midst of our December years we still ask that question and you know what? Sometimes we say “Yes! Let’s do it!” finally.

     Different seasons of life require different priorities. In our current season, with the fragility of health issues and frailty of bodies, we can cancel a day and sometimes more than one and you know what? It’s okay. The earth doesn’t stop revolving around the sun. The dust collects but a wise, old friend once told me, “Mary, if you only dust every six weeks, it looks just as good as if you had done it every single day.” She was right and a valuable lesson was learned.

     It’s been an incredible and enlightening journey from Immaculate Irma (spotless housekeeping) to Lazy Lou (they will understand and not judge). Currently it is necessary to hire help for heavy cleaning and the rest gets done when it gets done. After all, I’ve never seen a tombstone engraved with, “Her house sparkled” or “You could eat off her floors”.

     Sometimes I have canceled only part of the day. Once retired it’s all right to sleep in later if you stayed up later, to eat brunch at eleven rather than breakfast at seven and cut back on your labors. This is the time to do all those things there was never enough time to do while working. So do it. Take that trip. Write that book. Cross items off your Bucket List. There are no guarantees so embrace each day enjoy each moment more than ever. Live in the moment, cherish memories rather than things.

     Reduce the amount of STUFF in your life. Often I have felt as if I were stufficating so get rid of things that require more work than pleasure. Many of my cherished collections have and are still disappearing leaving more time for what I enjoy most and opening the door to Cancelling the Day. Who’s with me?

Mothers and Other Mothers

      It is with great certainty that the call will never come, the card will never appear in the mailbox and that ever elusive bouquet or box of chocolates will remain missing in action. This is such a bittersweet day for me as well as many others. For me, it hasn't been the same since my son died suddenly in 2000. This will be the 20th time I will dread the day rolling around on the calendar.
     Tomorrow will also be the first Mother's Day in my seventy some years that there is no one for me to send a card, make a call, or send flowers or something else sentimental that I have dreamed up far in advance and anticipation of the day. My mother left this earth last July.
     It is also the first Mother's Day since my marriage in 1964 that my husband does not acknowledge the day due to dementia. It is robbing us both of so much. My daughter tries to make up for things and it is very appreciated indeed, however, there is so much missing that it sort of overtakes the joy at times.
     During my lifetime, other women have had profound influences on my life: my Aunt Margie and Aunt Betty, Karlene Underwood Pratt, my sixth grade teacher Louise Helwig and Margaret Dresselhouse to name a few. These women gave me good counsel, a sympathetic ear, and showed forth amazing love for a floundering young girl and woman. They left important impacts on future choices I would make and I'm grateful for the insight and inspiration they gave me.
     In my case it did take a village to raise a child: not because it was their responsibility but rather because they recognized my potential and felt I was worth guiding into the correct paths.  My self-esteem was rather invisible and non-existent and each of these women added a layer of love as well as the encouragement I needed during some very difficult circumstances of my youth.
     I will always be grateful and though they all left this earth, many of them decades ago, their influence is still with me and I reflect on them and their unconditional love from so long ago. Where might I be without any one of them? Only the Lord knows because He is the one who placed them in my path at precisely the right time.
     This Mother's Day will once again be bittersweet, but how wonderful to know that despite them all abandoning me (temporarily) the Son has never nor will ever leave me. He is shining above the clouds especially those bittersweet ones in my mind.
     Happy Mother's Day everyone, especially those wonderful women who have never given birth yet are blessed to possess the nurturing nature and ability to be special influences to other women's children.

On Mind and In My Heart

   

     Who else loves a good analogy? As I awoke this morning my thoughts were on those time-lapsed photos of a flower bursting forth from a tiny bud into a glorious and exquisite blossom filled with beauty. I picture a rose. That is usually where the photography ends but my mind continued through the remainder of that process.
     In my vision the edges of the petals slowly began to fade into brown, the blossom began to shrivel, a few petals drifted downward, the leaves went limp and eventually it dried completely up and fell off the stem tumbling to the ground below.
     This is what the  journey of life is like. A tiny embryo begins to develop in the womb. It opens and blossoms like a flower as limbs, tiny fingers and toes, other features and details, even hair begin to spring forth. It bursts forth at birth much like the rose in full, glorious bloom yet for humans, it is the beginning. We are so very incomplete at that stage.
      In the following years, the newborn becomes more alert and even cuter than before. It develops physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually into a full fledged human being, exquisite and glorious in its very existence. It may also become a free thinking, strong-willed and sometimes rebellious person.
     Eventually it will grow old, wrinkles and brown spots appear, hair loss like petals blowing in the wind occurs. It begins to droop a bit perhaps from the weight its shoulders have born for too long. Eventually it fades, shrivels and dies just like the rose.
     But also like the rose it will live again in a new and glorious body. The roots of the rosebush are strong and get their strength and nourishment from sun, rain and minerals in the soil. It will bloom forth the following season if nurtured by a loving caretaker.
     Our old bodies are buried in a grave to await the resurrection when they will be reunited with our spirits and live again, this time in the presence of our Creator. On that splendid day, we shall burst forth immortalized and exalted in His presence.
     The difference is that the rose doesn't have a spirit in the same sense that we humans possess. It is destined to blossom and peak in it's boundless beauty without effort.
     However, for us we must do something to achieve our eternal glory. We must travel an often lonely and difficult path that frequently feels uphill in every direction.
     Unlike the rose, we are not alone. The Lord has blessed us with His Comforter to accompany us on our journey IF we accept Jesus and strive to live as He would have us do each and every step of the way. He has even blessed us with an unimaginable gift--repentance, to help us overcome and be forgiven for our sins.
     We may be the gardener for the rose bush but we cannot do the same for ourselves. We must rely on the Savior of the World to lead us and the Holy Spirit to teach us. We cannot lean on our own understanding as the Psalmist wrote. We cannot successfully reach our destination when our scriptures sit on a shelf gathering dust. We cannot understand God's word through osmosis. We cannot attain our goal by sitting on our laurels and watching or worse waiting for others to serve.

Molly Studying Scriptures By Osmosis

     Jesus was the perfect example of serving others, loving unconditionally, and encouraging the downtrodden and brokenhearted. Do we emulate Him or do we watch from afar criticizing, judging, grumbling and complaining all the way? He has given us the choice and the ones we make have everlasting consequences.
     In 2 Timothy 3:7-8 we see the example of those who resist the spirit. Chapter 4 verse 4 comes with an alert, "And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned into fables."
I John 5:6 in part tells us, ". . . And it is the Spirit that beareth witness, because the Spirit is truth."
    Do we decide what we believe based on what we feel or wish? Do we listen blindly to preachers who tell us what we want to hear? Do we go to church to be entertained? Do we mistake or confuse an emotional experience with a spiritual one? If anyone answers even one of these questions in the affirmative they stand in danger.
     Well worn scriptures are a blessing. Don't let yours gather dust on a shelf. Use them daily. Use them up and pray for guidance to understand them. All the answers to every dilemma we face are there if we prayerfully seek for it. 
    "Be still and know that I am God," still applies. We need to prayerfully search the Word, take time to listen and seek the truth for Jesus said, "The truth shall set you free." So look for the Son. Seek Him. He anxiously awaits each of us to come to Him constantly and to rely on His arm rather than our own flawed understanding. Make sure the Light we seek is from the Son.
   

A Big Ball of String

     My mother-in-law saved string--all colors and thicknesses. She untangled it, knotted it and wound it into a big ball. The strings from the tops of sugar and flour bags as well as feed sacks were saved separately to be crocheted into doilies, armchair protectors, shawls, tablecloths and more. The multi-colored ones she wound into a separate ball to be used as twine to truss a turkey, wrap and tie a package or bundle, tie the ends of ponytails and so one. She never wasted anything and she made do with what she had on hand. String was always ready to unravel as needed.

     That is what my life and my story are like. Made up of bits of string, many too short to use and others too long to toss. Most of the knots are so conspicuous that a long section of string is almost impossible to find. 

     The knots represent the hard times, and there have more than a few. Though they outweigh the smooth stretches of my life they are the ones that have blessed me with the opportunities to develop strength and character and for that I am grateful. Some of the knots are large enough to get in the way while other lengths of string are stretched to the limit and barely hanging on by a thin, frayed fiber. My goal is to piece them together in such a way to tell the story of my my life and the lessons learned.

     Some threads are coarse, rough and tough. Others are fragile and delicate. Some are pure white, others a dingy yellow-gray and others as colorful as a rainbow or sparkly as sunlit dew. The former remind me of the times I have been blessed with the strength and courage to endure hardships and trials that have befallen me or a loved.

     The latter are reminders of the occasions when it was I who needed to uplifted and encouraged by others; when my own resolve and determination were not quite sufficient to see me through. The colors tell stories in and of themselves. How often can we relate to the dull and dingy bits? The moments when I relate to the pure white ones are few but the colorful bits and pieces remind me of other bright spots in my life: my 55 year marriage to my best friend, a college grade point of 4.0, successes in home and family including two children, five grandchildren and ten great-grandchildren, my conversion and relationship with my Savior and a myriad of others too numerous to boast of. 

  On the other hand, the dingy, coarse or darkened ones represent the depths of despair and discouragement we each are forced to embrace: the death of a loved one, chronic illness, job loss, cancer, heartache for a wayward family member, devastating house fire, losing my spouse to dementia and the untimely death of my only son to name a few. 

     If these bits and pieces of various textured and colored strings were woven into a tapestry of my life, how would they look? I have seen the underside of a piece of embroidery work. At times, that is what my life has looked like; a confused jumble of unrelated items, knots and gnarls and lack of a coherent pattern that make little sense. But, then the time comes to look at the other side, the top. Amazingly enough, as I near the end of my earthly journey, it begins to come together. The picture becomes not only clear but beautiful and even glorious to behold. Life is an art and our tapestry is our artwork. When the going is tough, remember that we too often gaze upon the  wrong side of our life's tapestry. We cannot view the whole picture yet we we can imagine the beauty of it by putting in a little effort. 

     Yes, often the pieces of string create gigantic knots in our lives. There have been many enormous knots in mine, but hopefully they are the very ones that have created within me the strength and character that now define my true self. Without the knots and tangles, would I be the individual of faith and optimism that I am? It is doubtful. Just remember that the Son shines down on the topside of our tapestry. Look to Him and the Light through that jumbled up mess on our side. 

     

He Is Risen

     It's the evening of Easter Sunday. These times are anything but normal. Our lives have been disrupted, inconvenienced and spun out of control for many. I'm not really depressed but I have been a bit overwhelmed. All the plans I had for downsizing, selling off, finding a new home and listing this one for sale have been put on hold. There is concern that the housing market may be very slow to pick back up. 

     So, where does that leave me? In much better shape than myriad others, that's where. I have a home, I have an income and some savings, we have lived providently and prudently so that our resources are in good shape. We have canned and stored sufficient foodstuffs and other consumables so that we have been just fine without needing to buy toilet paper, toiletries and other necessities in a frantic panic.

     Very blessed is how I would describe myself this past month. Tomorrow marks my 31st day in self-quarantine.  It is lonely and how blessed we are for the technology at our fingertips to remain connected to the outside world, especially with my eternal companion suffering from dementia. How I miss him even as I wait on and care for him. 

     All that being said, I have not lost my sense of humor. Does anyone else feel like they have cooked and prepared at least 847 meals in the past month? Can one actually die from not getting to eat in their favorite Mexican restaurant for such a prolonged period of time? (Asking for a friend.) At least we now know why toilet paper is such a premium; because so many are eating their own cooking for the first time. 

      The picture above is of my daughter Pat on the left and another guest at a bridal shower about a decade ago. I designed her dress 100% out of toilet paper and we won first prize. The other gal was the runner up. Jokingly we have confessed to retroactively contributing to short supply of said product. 

     This past week has been the holiest and most sacred week in all Christendom. How grateful I am for the technologies to make it more meaningful during this separation from other believers. Tragedies and calamities continue to befall the population of this planet. Not only the virus, but earthquakes, erupting volcanoes, tornadoes and other deadly storms and swarms of locusts are destroying the vegetation in Africa and elsewhere. Yet, there are still those who mock and disrespect and show such little compassion or understanding for others. What else will God deem necessary to get their attention? Or will He reach the point where He fulfills His promises for Christ to return to the earth because the end is so near?

      "If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear," is a favorite phrase for me. It speaks truth. We were prepared by following the counsel of wise leaders who said to avoid debt, live on less than you earn, put aside a little food and other goods for hard times, etc. 

     Easter has been different for almost everyone this year. The apostles and  disciples of Jesus Christ endured that first Easter alone. We celebrated it virtually alone but not as bereaved as they must have been because we KNOW the outcome. He is risen. The church buildings are empty . . . but so is the tomb. 

     Tonight there are tornado threats in our area and a very large swath of this country, however, there is peace because I know who is in control and it surely is not me. The one who created us, who loves us more than we can imagine, who gave His son for us and the Son willingly suffered unimaginable pain in our behalf is in control. Though dark clouds hang over us tonight, the Son is shining brightly above them. He can calm the storm--but when He doesn't, remember that He can calm the child and allow the storm to rage.  It is He who holds our future and our fate. Choose the light. 

     

Making the Best of Things during Troubled Times

      So how are you and yours holding up during this Coronavirus Crisis? It seems that each of us has a different perspective and none of them are inherently right or wrong; that is unless you are part of the problem meaning you either don't take the entire thing seriously enough or you use it to your advantage to be mean, selfish, greedy, etc.
     How about you? Are you more than a bit stir crazy? Are you feeling confined and imprisoned in your own environment? Are you engaged in an essential job that puts you out and about when you would prefer some time off? Have you suddenly found yourself homeschooling your brood? Are you an outdoorsy person who is about to crack under the pressure of confinement?
     Whatever your circumstances please, please, please find things to be grateful for. Even if your world seems to be turned upside down at the present time, you have so many blessings and reasons for gratitude. We all know it could be much, much worse--and it may become so before it is over.
     If you live alone, it may be a profoundly lonely time for you. If you have a larger family that usually are out and about and going in every which direction you may feel as if you're losing your mind.
     The remedy is gratitude. Yes, it is that simple. If the family is squabbling and driving you nuts, be grateful they are not sick. Use this time to strengthen family bonds and to teach them basic skills that are primarily no longer taught in the schools like home economics, mechanics, gardening, planning future events, balancing a checkbook or making out a budget, reconnecting with one another.
     If you are alone, then now is the time to reach out to others. You will be blessed as  you check on others, work on your family history or your memoir, write down things you want the next generation to know, share yourself on social media or phone calls to friends and family both near and far. Make a plan to treat yourself once this is past us.
     For me it is not unusual anymore to stay at home as I am a caregiver for my husband so I naturally don't get out very much as he doesn't get out at all with the exception of an occasional doctor's appointment. Having always been a homebody it is natural for me to be content at home whether I am simply relaxing and being lazy or puttering and being productive. There are enough projects including unfinished ones on my to do list that I will never live long enough to become bored..
      For me it is natural to sew, do other needle-crafts or quilt. It is natural for me to write, read and/or study. The more I learn the more I realize how little I know. It is natural for me to enjoy quiet times of reflection, watching the myriad of birds and other wildlife through my window or sitting on one of the three porch swings on our property. I am content at home though I do have a social side and love to share time with friends and family.
     Depression and loneliness are tools of the Adversary. On the other hand the Lord wants us to feel joy and peace. Pray more, study not just read your scriptures more, worry less because there are only so many things we CAN control. Ultimately God is in total control of everything but our own choices and attitudes. Make them count. Don't fret. Be a light to others and soon you will feel the warmth and glow of the Son shining through the temporary clouds that have darkened and dashed the hopes and dreams of many.
     Above all else, be a survivor and not a victim. We will soon commemorate the glorious resurrection of the Son of God. Because of Him, we can have His Spirit to lighten our days and our minds. Look for good because it abounds. Be the light. If you truly want to feel joy and peace, then make the best of a bad situation. This too shall pass. . . maybe like a kidney stone, but it will pass.

Random Thoughts

      Random thoughts and blessings from self-quarantine due to the Covid19 virus. 

     For most of the two past weeks I have been fighting a double ear infection. Remotely my doctor ordered the correct medications for me and daughter picked them up. This has given me the unprecedented opportunity to completely rest and heal. 

     Being at home doesn't bother me. I have plenty to do within these walls where love resides and so does the Spirit. My sewing and craft supplies are abundant, my bookshelves filled and the pantry is in good shape. When we are prepared, we have no need to fear. The source of fear is evil anyway.

     Finally, thanks to this worldwide health crisis, I have discovered and LOVE the Walmart grocery pickup app. Why I continued to fight the crowds, and put myself through much pain and discomfort due to unresolved back issues, I will never know. Perhaps it is my independent nature. My daddy used to tell me, "Lou, you're as independent as a hog on ice." Now quite honestly I'm not sure that I still understand just what that phrase means, but I have tried to picture myself helping a hog on ice . . . and it's not necessarily a pretty picture, but, he was correct in that I am the most independent of his five children.

     The hysteria about the virus along with panic buying and hoarding has broken my heart. Such a crisis should be drawing us into greater unity by being more charitable and kind to one another. My opinion: selfishness is the root cause. 

     Another thing that I have done is to unfriend on Facebook a number of whiners and complainers. The most irritating to me have been those who justify why they are the exception and can come and go as they please.  It is all justified  because:

     1 - I am healthy as a horse and never get sick! (What about those you may be passing the virus onto since there are no symptoms yet high contagion for two full weeks?) Response: "Oh, I wash my hands a LOT!" 

     2 - I'm just a social person and I'm not going to live like a hermit. (Okay, but is it alright for you to potentially spread this to others who might end up dying like a hermit?)

     3 - My husband HAS to go to work and he goes into peoples homes every day. (He has to go to work because you keep him broke by having every penny spent before payday consistently and continually posts every detail of how broke they are for all the world to see.)

     4 - My child is social too and so I'm not going to make him miss swim and birthday parties just because there is one or two cases of the virus in our county. (Do you see where I'm going and why this frustrates me?)

     5 - We have plenty of food and toilet paper because that's what our church leaders taught us to do to be prepared. (What about the other part of their counsel? In the very same sentence they asked us to store food, to get out and stay out of debt and to have regular scripture study and prayer individually and with our families.  RESPONSE: What other part? UGH)

      6- I have to go to Walmart, Target and Costco every day so I know what they're out of. (What? I thought you were prepared. I mean you brag about how much stuff you have stored so everybody knows where to get things when they run out, right?)

      As my Uncle Don once said, "I'd rather be thought a fool than to open my mouth and prove it."

     My heart truly aches for people who really don't understand their purpose on this earth. It is not to be entertained always and forever folks but rather to serve and lift others. 

     Anyway as I continued to interface with others over this crisis it quickly became apparent who loved their neighbor and who loved themselves most. Some simply don't care who gets sick because of their selfish pride and worldly desires. 

     I've never unfriended anyone because they have a different political or religious view than I do, however blatant selfishness and self-justification irritate my spirit. So I prayerfully made the decision to eliminate those few who just didn't get it and didn't want to get it. Some have every excuse in the book why they are the exception . . . but that simply doesn't wash. 

     Social media is an important resource for me as I am almost entirely housebound as a caregiver but nobody has the time to constantly explain and reexplain simple facts and concepts to an audience only interested in themselves and their desires. 

     As I unfriended the first name, I felt a twinge of remorse as if I was being rude or needed to try harder to persuade the ignorant and uninformed know-it-alls. However as peace was restored to my own soul I immediately felt liberated. Prayer for this person and others who are like-minded will be continued.

     Being consistently patient and tolerant of others I love to gently teach and assure them there is no need for fear, but as peace settled on my spirit and the conviction came as I prayed to know whether or not to let them go lessened my stress level exponentially It was obviously the right decision for me and my own spiritual, mental and physical well-being. 

     Some folks just want to be right and I want to do whatever is in my power to encourage and uplift them, but the time has come to eliminate anything that drains us of peace. I have no fear but I am concerned about the human race as in my opinion as prophesied the Lord is truly separating the sheep from the goats. Earthquakes, storms and trials increase during the last days. It is time for each of us to get and keep our own houses in order for we will indeed require the companionship of the Holy Spirit in these days. Afterall, the Son is shining and our future is brighter than one might think.